The Importance of Parenting Plans

Divorcing parents have double the work to get through in mediation. In addition to divvying up the assets, debts and dishes, you also need to develop a Parenting Plan, which is your guidebook, manual and compendium to all things for co-parenting your children. You will want to put a good amount of thought and time into the writing of your Parenting Plan because it is such an important document and for it to work well, it needs to be very detailed.

Maybe parenting has always been pretty smooth during the marriage so you think co-parenting won’t be a big deal. The thing is, Parenting Plans are written for when you’re co-parenting in two different houses. And that is very different from doing it when you’re together. Whereas, in the past, you probably spent special holidays together, you now will need to think about what it looks like to do it separately.

Now you might be thinking, “We’ll still spend holidays together for the sake of the children.” But here’s the thing. While that might sound good now, there will likely come a day when you don’t want to spend hours and hours with your ex. After some time, you will emotionally move on from the relationship and the breakup and being together for a holiday might feel like torture. The other thing to consider is that – and I don’t want to freak you out but – one day one or both you will likely have a new significant other. What does that mean for Christmas morning?

To avoid future fights, it is recommended (by me, attorneys, judges, Guardians ad litem, parent coordinators and therapists. Pretty much everyone) that you craft your Parenting Plan as if you are completely separate. Write it to say that the children will be at either one parent’s house or the other on any given day. Period. Then, if you both agree to spend a holiday together, you can but you’re not obligated to. So, if you don’t want to be kumbaya, you don’t have to be. You just go by the Parenting Plan.

Now that you’re thinking in these terms, let’s take it a little deeper. After you decide which house the children will be at for which holiday (think: Mom’s house for Thanksgiving in even years and Dad’s during odd years), now you must think about what time the holiday visit begins and what time it ends.

Again, you might think this isn’t a big deal. Mother’s and Father’s Days are always on Sundays so that’s when it will be. Plus, you might think you’ll be able to negotiate it and figure it out no big deal. But what if the amicableness has left your co-parenting relationship? It happens. A lot.

Let’s say it’s Father’s Day weekend and the kids are at Mom’s house Friday and Saturday nights per the plan. Mom assumes her ex (their Father) will come to get the kids Sunday morning for Father’s Day maybe around 9:00am or 10:00am because that’s what you usually do. But let’s say Dad is mad at Mom about something completely unrelated and decides to knock on Mom’s door at 12:01am because technically that’s when Father’s Day begins, and it isn’t specified in the parenting plan. Ridiculous, right? Sadly, this is a true story.

To avoid anything crazy like this, it is recommended (by everyone) that you write down specific days and times for every holiday, school break as well as the regular, weekly or monthly schedule.

Example 1: “During Even years, the children shall be with the Mother for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day beginning on December 24 at 12:00pm until December 25 at 3:00pm. The children shall be with Father from December 25 at 3:00pm until 10:00am on the day that is two days from when school resumes. This schedule shall reverse during odd years with Father having the children for Christmas Eve and Day and Mother having the children for the remainder of the school break until school resumes. The exchange location shall be the Mother’s house.”

Example 2: “On the weekend that includes Father’s Day, the children shall be with the Father from 12:00pm on the Saturday before the holiday until 9:00am or when camp begins on the Monday after the holiday. The exchange location shall be the Wal-Mart located at 123 Main Street, Anywhereville, USA.”

Again, if you both want to spend a holiday together you can but only if you both agree. Otherwise, stick to the plan to avoid potential problems. You can also change things like the exchange time or place if you both agree. If you don’t agree, stick to the plan.

And because these details can be so important it is equally important to put the work into your parenting plan now so it has no loopholes and it is something you can stick with.

If this all feels overwhelming that is totally understandable. Know that working with someone who has created hundreds parenting plans can really help. Click here to schedule a consultation

Photo by Emma Bauso: https://www.pexels.com/photo/father-and-child-having-fun-2833394/