Back to School

When the beach trips, camps, and pool days are over the back to school hustle begins. In addition to shopping for new clothes, shoes, and backpacks, parents are figuring out exactly how many boxes of tissues one class really needs and why aren’t there any three-prong, two-pocket, yellow plastic folders in the entire city?

Then, comes the schedules. Parents have to learn their child’s new schedule during the school day, any new drop-off or pick-up procedures and after-school and weekend activities. All of this is enough to make anyone’s head swim. If you’re coparenting, you now have an extra job: coordinating all this between the two of you in as peaceful a way possible.

With all the modern (and free!) technology available these days coordinating schedules between co-parents doesn’t have to be a struggle. Most schools have several different ways for parents to stay updated with all the goings on including email, newsletters, websites, and Facebook pages. Then there are academic tracking programs such as Google Classroom, eChalk and district-based portals, which allow all parents to have access to their students’ assignments and grades. No more relying on one parent to be the transfer station for all this information to the other parent.

When scheduling extra-curricular activities, science projects, PTA meetings and parent-teacher conferences, an online calendar may be your best bet. Parents can create a unique log-in name and password different from any you use personally so both have access to the calendar but not each other’s personal accounts. Some popular options are Our Family Wizard, Coparenter, 2Houses and Talking Parents. These are all available as mobile apps, too. After events are loaded, both parents have access so there is equal opportunity for both parents to attend important events. This can end the classic argument of “You never told me!” – “I’m not responsible for your engagement in your child’s life!”

You may ask, “But who has to upload all the activities?” Good question. Assuming that both parents want these dates in their personal calendar also, it really shouldn’t matter. But I know it often does. One approach is to split up the responsibility with one parent loading dates for school and the other loading dates for extracurricular activities. Another approach is for one parent to load all the dates that are available online and the other parent loads new events that come home on paper or out of the child’s mouth.

The reality is that technology isn’t going to radically change the dynamic between coparents. However, taking some time research the program that is the best fit for you and loading event dates could save a lot of headaches throughout the school year. Using a “let it go” mentality might help you get past some of the resentment and help you just focuse on the children’s well-being.

The keys, as always, are to be flexible, collaborative and as civil as possible. If none of this seems possible or that you and your ex just can’t come to common ground, give me a call and we can see if mediation might help. Good luck!